I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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