Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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