you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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