I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
