Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
