Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
