He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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