Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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