Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
