I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just high enough for therapy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
