so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
there is glitter all over my balls
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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