dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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