bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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