oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
