areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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