if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
