My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she peed on how many people?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
