Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
