Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
