my being single is dangerous.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
