Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
