dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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