I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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