i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
