Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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