I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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