True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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