we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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