U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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