probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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