All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
