Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
