actually, I'm a sock model
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Panties = found
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
