I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
