no, he came in my armpit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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