every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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