There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
