You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
