I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
