You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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