i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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