Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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