My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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