im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
