So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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