I just threw up on my dentist
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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