i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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