Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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