So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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