He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
