Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
