Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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