I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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